No more sailing

Crap! I look fat!

Going crazy in the car
It’s darn Monday again. Thank goodness there’re tv programs for me tonight. Things didn’t really start off really great this morning. There was a jam on the expressway and I was kinda 5 mins late for the session that we were supposed to have with Mr Chu. I must say, it had been quite ok, that it got me planning even during GP, when we’re supposed to be ‘revising’.

It’s temporarily over. I thought I would feel more sadness than this. But surprisingly, I’m feeling pretty contented with myself. Runners-up for doubles, with my first time partner, Chelsea. It wasn’t an easy journey there. One, I didn’t really have intensive training. The session that I have is just to get my butt off the bed. Two, we had some tough competition, especially in the semi where we battled a three hour war against Pearlyn and Kelly. Sometimes, I feel it sucks worse when you gotta play someone that you use to train with. Cos, you are about the same level, and it’s hard to win that much sought after point. But, knowing their style of play is definitely a good advantage too…

My tennis ‘career’ is over for now. I’ll be back in the scene in November. But that will be after intensive training. I miss the guys at the Sydney Olympic Park. Maybe I’ll see you guys at the end of the year!

I did not recognise

I don’t see the need for defence. The case is being heard, without the defence attorney making his stand. Is the judge going to make a fair and just judgment? I don’t think so. It seems as though every one is willing to take word for word. Naïve, but true.

I actually kind of admire the culture in the past. It’s something that I wish to study more and incorporate it into our present culture. I think it’s viable, although it takes generations for the change to take place. Moreover, it may not be accepted at all.

Problems ought to be solved. We should never run away from them. By doing that, it’s good as admitting that the situation has overcome us. We will be reduced to mere cowards! And in order for troubles to be solved, we must have outstretched arms.

With the tear in my eye, I must say that I’m totally mentally drained. Another 3 hours. It’s one of my most mentally challenged battles, ever. But there’s definitely a sense of ecstasy behind all the blisters, dehydration, muscle aches and of course, mental weakness. Win or lose tomorrow, I’ll be contented. And for that, I have to thank my Father for being there with me, always.

Can't take it anymore

Why is it that you can’t read things in a more balanced and perceptive kind of way? I’m not going to explain myself for I don’t see why I should. It’s not about you in this world. I need my space too. In fact, I think it’s the other way round. Sometimes I don’t think whatever I did was never appreciated. Even an outsider could see that and ask me why I still continue to do that. I don’t know. A whole lot of inconvenienced caused, but I was still there.

What I am so disappointed and hurt is the fact that a person can change side so quickly. Talking about a chameleon! Bah!

Thank goodness for tennis. It’s the only thing that I can focus on without having to worry about anything else. I can get 2-4 hours away from reality and fully enjoy myself. The company was great too. Chelsea and I literally whacked our opponents today. She did great ground strokes; I had a couple of great serves. Now, we’re in the semis and its Kelly and Pearlyn next. It’s such a small world. I’ve to play my training mates…

So back to the situation, I’m gonna bear with it, like I always do. I’ll prove you wrong. And darn right I am.

I better go to get some rest now. I think I’m going to be down with something major. It’s time for ‘war’ but I just vomit out my rations. This isn’t good.

Big Black Horse and the Cherry Tree

I thought it was bad enough that I had forgotten to take my phones out of the house. The day just gets worse and worse as every second ticks. You get put down, ticked at, picked upon for things that you didn’t do. What is the world coming to? And there’s politics. Bah! Get off my back. How am I supposed to focus when the worldly affairs are so disturbing? Thank goodness the last period weren’t that bad. I love working out. It allows me to vent out all my pent up frustrations and emotions right out. Plus, I had my classmates. Thank god for them. A couple of laughs and the fun were able to chase some blues away. =)

Since I’m blogging, just wanna send some love to my sweetheart, Gillian. Hey gurl! Get well soon yeah? I miss having my YTF partner around. It has been tough going for ‘war’ in the canteen every afternoon. I really miss having a ‘comrade’ around. Haha! Take care of yourself!

I need to know what happens next!

Ok. So Meredith got her hand stuck into a patient’s body while she’s holding onto a unstable bomb, Bailey’s husband is in OR 2 and she is due to deliver. WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT? I so hate cliff hangers. It’ll be another week before we know what happens. And the synopsis on the official website doesn’t help much! Argh! Someone get me season 2 dvds of Grey’s Anatomy!!! Gosh! I’m a total freak of the show.

I’m not in the good mood right now. I had difficulty sleeping last night, and when I finally did, I overslept. Worse still, I left my 2 phones at home. 2 of them! Now I’m irritated and frustrated.

Colouring time =D

It’s Monday again and only 100 days to the A levels. That means from tomorrow onwards, it’ll be double digit. Boo! I’m still far, far, far away from completing the syllabus. How to take the exam this way? Sigh…

It was a busy Sunday. Somehow people tend to visit all at the same time. There was a group in the morning and another in the afternoon as I was going out to do maths. Yes, I did maths yesterday. But I’m still not at the ‘understand’ stage of the subject. And because of the visitors streaming in yesterday, mom was too lazy to cook for dinner last night. Darn! I had to go to Chomp Chomp, bear with the crowd, and the stuffiness/ ‘crampness’ of the place. It sucks eating there without company. We were supposed to go there for our stingray feast. It’s been more than a year, and we have yet to go. Do you think we still have the opportunity to go there for a feast? I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?

I’m like someone wearing a mask. Deep down inside of me, I know that I’m very different from what I portray. Somehow, I feel that there’s a lot of pride in me. And I’m one big emotional freak. I can cry while watching tv or even action-packed movies all because of one touching scene or another… This could well be my ultimate downfall.

Why don't you come to your senses

It’s like a cold turkey effect. I’m ok, then I’m not, then I’m ok, and now I’m not again. When is it going to stop? Like seriously. I’m really clueless… just really wished I had the answer to some things in life.

The past had not been a rosy picture and to some, the future does not look promising either. F*** you! Kiss my ass! Be optimistic. We all shall be.

I was just flipping through my organizer earlier. It’s jam-packed. I’ve got a GP mock exam next Wednesday, a match on the same day (just an hour and half after the paper ends), and tons more. I think I did the right thing by turning down the invitation to play at SICC tomorrow. Did I? I don’t know. I really want to go and have a game but I’m ‘not supposed to have a life.’ Bleah!

A terrible case of mistaken identity

Oh I’m so sorry that it turned our like that. Fuck! Now I know how the others feel when I was younger. I used to be at the receiving end. Now I’m the one who sees it from a bird eye’s view perspective. I rather it didn’t happen in the past and it would happen now. It sucks when everything is good at one point in time or another and suddenly everything just falls apart. I would very much like it be the other way around.

I hate presentations! I hate preparing for it. It’s time-consuming and tiring. I spent my whole Friday night (all the way till 3am) and the whole of Saturday morning doing it. And, it’s not even 100% done. There’s still the non-academic part to be added in. Darn!

Thank goodness there was retail therapy yesterday afternoon. It was good, but not that ‘ecstatic’ feeling that I usually get. Maybe it was the lack of sleep the night before. I got a new pouch, new purple bra and undies. =D. some cosmetics (actually I won’t be using them for a while, but heck), shoes! Argh! I had wanted to buy more like maybe a GEOX shoes or something, but I got held back by mommy. I got really disappointed when I couldn’t find anything in Sisley. I found like 3-4 pairs of skirts that I love, but damn! They don’t have my size. And that includes the pair of slacks that I really really want to have. Boo!

12:50pm. 20 more mintues.

Leaving thing alone/ignoring it/thinking it wouldn’t matter seriously makes things worse. I tried to rectify the situation but I felt even worse. So I guess that was the point where I just stopped trying. Whenever I see the smiles and the laughter and the fun that exists, I do feel a sense of loss. I was a part of it; I was in it… but not anymore…

I do feel a little cheated right now. You were there to help me, to cheer me up. But I didn’t expect you to betray me. When I tell you some stuff, I thought you were going to keep it to yourself, and just forget about it. But NO! You didn’t! You told others and making the matter even worse. Can I still tell you things? I don’t know… My mind is still in a whirl. I need an outlet.

Darn! I’m really hungry right now. Mr. Chow is going on and on. I think it’s supposed to be motivational, but I’m really tired to think about all those stuff right now. We have to prepare for the UK trip presentation later in the afternoon. The fact: we are supposed to be prepared for it. But the whole lot of us are going to do last minute work, again. Hee! It’s gonna be a long day again. I want to go home and keep Ralph company, but I need to work. So, should I stay and study?

I'm not who you think I am

I’m not who you think I am.
I’m not what you expect of me.
I don’t do stuff that you think I do.
I don’t have things that you think I have.
I want more that just this.

It’s frustrating to have something strapped to your ankle once again.
I had a clean break, but now, I’m back to being a half cripple.
I don’t know what’s going on.
I want to know, but know one wants to tell me.

So it has been a lousy week so far. Nothing has changed. Instead it has become worse off. I’m still not getting my beauty sleep and of course, I’m very irritated. SOME lessons have become a chore. But of course, I must overcome that negative perception and work on. As Geck has said, when you don’t feel like doing something that you don’t want to do, you get a headache. That is so true.

We are supposed to do GP application question right now. No one seems to be doing it except a couple of them. I think I’ll be going to do maths right now and get off those negative things in my fucking brain.

I'm in need of beauty sleep!

It’s a bloody Monday. Literally. I have never suffered so much pain ever! It’s been going on for more than 12 hours. Argh! It’s fucking irritating. I’ve tried practically everything that is supposed to ease the pain. But wtf! None of them is working!

We’ve gotten back our results. I’m not proud to say that I didn’t do that well. Ok, there may be slight improvement, but it’s still far far away to get me into the course of my choice. We have not much time left. It’s very mentally draining, and that’s my biggest weakness. I panic when I do my paper, I panic when I play big matches. Why can’t I just do it like I always do? It’ll be better that way…

I got a feeling mom is keeping me back cos she wants to make sure I don’t go wild. Damn! She knows that since I was a kid, I wanna go overseas for my university education and live alone for a while. Now, she’s hoping that I will stay here for my basic degree. There goes my chance of getting an apartment and enjoy the freedom. But of course, freedom comes with responsibility. I should really live on my own for a while. Then, I can probably appreciate the things I take for granted more.

Enough of the depressing Monday. It’s Chelsea’s birthday today. Happy 13th birthday gurl! You’re no longer a kiddo! Haha! We’ll definitely whack the asses of our opponents very soon! Anyway, here are some pictures from Saturday…

We're on the way in a taxi...

'Blowing' in the love for Greg. Haha!

Dinner!

I'm off.

Dinner was a bore last night. Usually, it was fine, but somehow, things were different last night. Perhaps I’m easily irritable these days, with all that’s going on. It’s crap, shit, ass. I feel like telling those to fuck off. Anyway, I don’t think they can get me down. Sure, there will be inconveniences here and there, awkward situations, but I’ll survive, I hope.