Current PSI: 56 (as of 11am 12th Oct 2006). I hate my body

It’s the second last day of school, but I’m stuck in my bed, ordered to get rest. Well, it suits me fine, as I won’t have to see someone that’s getting on my nerves. So many things have happened during the past few days. I’m confused and lost. I’m like a lost sheep waiting for my shepherd to come and guide me. I took your advice Aaron, it still sucks. I can’t believe I actually tried to do that. Guess I probably chose the wrong time. And it’s not only that, the closest ones too. Why must I be the one bearing with such agony and pain and ‘i-don’t-know-what’. Sigh. I have no idea why stuff must always happen when it’s the time to make the most improvement. I’m desperate. I look as though I’m willing to sacrifice everything else to get what I want. But no, I place ‘other thing’ as my first priority. It’s stupid, I know. I can’t even explain why I’m doing this. It’s a lonely ride out here.

“The new recruit had been with the gang since the beginning of the summer holidays, and there were possibilities about his brooding silence that all recognized. He never wasted a word even to tell his name until that was required of him by the rules, when he said “Trevor” it was a statement of fact, not as it would have been with the others a statement of shame or defiance. Nor did anyone laugh except Mike, who finding himself without support and meeting the dark gaze of the newcomer, opened his mouth and was quiet again. There was every reason why T., as he was afterwards referred to, should have been an object of mockery – there was his name (and they had substituted the initial because otherwise they had no excuse not to laugh at it), the fact that his father, a former architect and present clerk, had “come down in the world” …… What but an odd quality of danger, of the unpredictable, established him in the gang, without any ignoble ceremony of inititation?”

The Destructors by Graham Greene